


You broke my heart, and didn't even notice it

by Kjam



Series: Hamilton one-shots [6]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF, Historical RPF
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, Hurt No Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Unrequited Love, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:20:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26219980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kjam/pseuds/Kjam
Summary: John is getting drunk on Alexander's wedding, trying to forget about his feelings, trying to be happy for Eliza and Alexander. But he can't help himself, and confession and a kiss happen. But it's too late, or is it?
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Series: Hamilton one-shots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1863049
Kudos: 36





	You broke my heart, and didn't even notice it

“All right, all right, that’s what I’m talking about.”  
He hands a glass of champagne to Angelica and takes a sip from his. He is drunker then he has ever been in his life. He laughs loudly, talks too much, and flirts with everyone within a mile. And he drinks, just to forget how much his heart aches, how much he just wants to cry and run away. He has to be here, on Alexander’s happiest day, because he is a good friend. He couldn’t come up with a good enough reason to stay away and maybe he is a masochist because he can’t take his eyes of Alexander as he kisses Eliza. He glances at Angelica, who is still making a toast, and he can see his own pain reflect in her eyes. He must be imagining it. He gulps down the rest of the champagne. He stumbles, almost falling, but someone catches him.  
“Are you alright, mon Amié? You had too much to drink. ”  
“I’m fine, never better” he slurs ”And we have to celebrate Alexander’s luck. ” ”Found himself the perfect woman, rich, pretty, smart. Exactly his type. Come on, drink with me to them. ”  
Lafayette takes the glass from his hand.  
“You know, mon Amié, when we want things we can never have, that just hurts everyone. ”  
John stares at him. He surmised that Lafayette knew more about his secret crush than he let on, but now he was sure. Lafayette pats his shoulder.  
“Get some fresh air. You will have a hell of a headache tomorrow if you keep drinking. ”  
He shoulders his way out to the garden. There is a barrel filled with water, he dunks his head under. The cold somewhat sobers him up. He sits down, staring at the night sky. He has to admit that he is childish and jealous. He should be happy for Alexander. It doesn’t matter what he wanted, what he still wants from him. That was never going to happen. The worst part isn’t that Alexander is getting married. That is almost expected from a man his age. John knows that one day he will have to get married, too, to secure his family’s heritage. No, it’s not the marriage. It’s the way Alexander, looks at her, touches her, kisses her. The way he has always dreamed of being looked at, being touched by him. And he knows that those moments he cherishes, the shared flasks, the long nights in trenches, fighting side by side, their jokes, their dreams: it will all fade in comparison of a loving wife, children. He will always come second.  
“John, there you are. I have been looking for you everywhere. ”  
“Alexander. ”  
He tries to get up, but he stumbles once again. Alexander steadies him and John hates himself for leaning into his touch.  
“I thought you could handle a few drinks. ”  
“But I was celebrating, and that requires more than a few drinks. Because you found the love of your life and that’s worth celebrating. ”  
“You will find her too. ”  
And because he is stupid and drunk, and braver than usual, he replies with this:  
“I’ll never love a woman as I love you.  
Alexander drops his glass. The clashing echoes through the garden.  
“What are you talking about? ”  
He really shouldn’t, but knowing that he will never be brave enough to do this again he leans in and kisses Alexander. Just a quick kiss on the lips, nothing more, but it means the world to him.  
“Congratulations. Tell Eliza that I wish her all the best. ”  
He turns around and leaves. Alexander’s calls after him, but he doesn’t look back. And the next time they meet, he denies remembering anything.


End file.
